LANGUAGE

December 5, 2011
Geese are in V formation over head flying and making geese sounds.
Amy: The geese are flying to somewhere warmer.
Mars: Good thing they speak geese!

MAGIC

DECEMBER 4, 2011
We are watching Mary Poppins at dinner time.
Mars: Can we do magic like Mary Poppins.
Amy: No honey.
Mars farts loudly.
Mars: That was magic!

WHY?

December 1, 2011
Mars is singing Yellow Submarine.
Mars: (singing) We all live in the yellow submarine, the yellow submarine, the yellow submarine....
Mars: (talking) Why did they all go in the submarine?

Thanksgiving Gift

11.24.11

Mars: Gran here's a fart present for you

Gran: a present for me?

Mars: A fart!

Gran: what?

Mars: It already happened!

Wish

Nov 23, 2011
Mars is peeing.
Mars: I wish I had a pajina.
Amy: Why?
Mars: So I can sit down!

Human Factory

Nov 22, 2011
Seriti and I were talking about a time when Luna on Martha's Vineyard.
Mars: Was I here?
Amy: No, you weren't even made yet.
Mars: Did you get me at the human factory?

Eyebrows

Nov 22, 2011
We meet NaiNai in the foyer.
Amy: Nainai, you forgot your eyebrows.
We take a walk to meet up with Seriti. On the way....
Mars: Nainai forgot her eyebrows!
Amy: Did you forget your eyebrows today?
Mars touches his face.
Mars: I can't find my eyebrows. Can you look?
Amy: Yes, you have your eyebrows on today.
Mars: Maybe NaiNai's eyebrows were in her bed.
Amy: Do you find your eyebrows in bed each day and put them on?
Mars: Maybe NaiNai's eyebrows fell on the floor and she kicked them.

Fake It

Nov 22, 2011
Mars is in the bathroom.
Amy: Mars, what are you doing?
Mars: I'm peeing with my pajina!
Amy: You don't have a pajina!
Mars: I was fake pajina-ing!

Vision

November 7, 2011
Luna: When you go to school, you have to do an eye test.
Mars: What's an eye test?
Luna: So they know if you need glasses.
Mars: I already have sunglasses and eyeball glasses!

BABA'S ERRAND

11.5.11

Mars: Baba, what is your errand?

J: I have to drive Mama around to buy crap.

Mars: Where is buycrap?

Chickpeas Circus

Mars is peeing with his eyes closed.
Mars: This is what I'm going to do for the Chickpeas circus.
(The Chickpeas Circus is the end of the year celebration where kids can show off a trick they know).

Math 2

November 4, 2011
Mars just came out of the bathroom from bath. He walks in to his room.
Mars: One shirt, one pants, two socks. That's 4 things!
Baba: That's right.
Luna: What are you guys talking about?
Baba: Mars added 2 plus 2.
Luna: Wow, really?
Mars: Yep.

Gas 2

November 4, 2011
Mars farts.
Amy: What just came out of your butt?
Mars: A monster!
Amy: Why did it smell so bad!
Mars: Cause he's the king of diaper rash!

Gas

November 4, 2011
Mars farts.
Amy: Mars, what just came out of your butt?
Mars: A monster!
He farts again.
Amy: What just came out of your butt?
Mars: Poka dotted underwear!

Fan

October 31, 2011
Mars is in the potty. The fan was on and J walks over to turn it off.

Mars: Keep the fan on!!!!
Baba: Why?
Mars: It's a big one!

Math

October 31, 2011

Everyone has one butt. There are 5 butts. Mama has 1 butt. Baba has 1 butt. Luna has 1 butt. Nainai has 1 butt. I have one butt.

COUNTRY SONG

9.28.11

I lost my golden nuggets in the bouncy house
And I really want them back

Camels

September 20, 2011
Amy: What kind of camel would you be if you could be a camel? Would you be one humped or two humped?
Mars: I would be 3 humped so you, Luna, and Baba can ride me!

The Obvious

September 20, 2011
Mars is done popping.
Mars: One looks like a twisted hot dog. But it's poop. Cause it's from my butt.

The Kiss

9.17.11

I'm not going to hug and kiss you Gran. Only Grandpa.
Why?
I don't hug and kiss old ladies.

Milk

Sept 15
Mars is drinking strawberry milk.
Mars: I want the spoon straw!!!!!!
Amy: It's dirty, you used it this morning.
Luna: Yeah, you always get to use the spoon straw. You used it this morning.
Mars: FUCK IT!!!!!

ALL INCLUSIVE

SEPT 1 2011

IN THE MEN'S ROOM, WATCH HILL RI. WE'RE AT THE URINALS. I'M HOLDING MARS UP TO PEE. THERE IS A GUY AT THE URINAL NEXT TO US.

MARS: I wish there were 5 of these.
ME: Urinals?
MARS: Yeah.
ME: Why?
MARS: So Mama and NaiNai and Luna and you and me could all pee at the same time!

THE GUY NEXT TO US CRACKS UP HARD.

New Outfit

August 24, 2011
Mars is naked and runs up to Luna.
Mars: Hey Luna, how do you like my outfit?

Crazy Pee

August 24, 2011
Mars is at the potty peeing, bending slightly backwards.
Amy: Why are you bending your back like that?
Mars: That's how I pee crazy!

Logic

August 18, 2011
Mars: Mama, can we go to the big toy store and buy whatever we want?
Amy: I don't know.
Mars: I can pick out something cheap. That means it's not too expensive.

Growth

August 17, 2011
At bedtime.
Mars: Mama, why are you so small?
Amy: That's just the way I am.
Mars: How do I get as big as you?
Amy: Well, you have to eat to grow.
Mars: If you eat more, will you be as big as Baba?
Amy: No, I'm done growing.
Mars: If I eat, will I be as big as Baba?
Amy: Probably.

OBSERVATION

8.17.11
(mars looks out his window at bedtime, sees people walking around)
are those people nocturnal?

PRETEND

8.6.11

(at the toilet in the middle of playing forklift and car-crusher)

Baba-pretend I don't have a penis. I'm going to pee from my hydraulics.

THE HUMAN BODY

8.7.11

Is my brain mushy like a pillow pet?

Prepardness

August 5, 2011

Mars is in the bathroom on the potty.

Mars: You better turn on the fan, it's going to be a stinky one!

IMMORTALITY

9.27.11

Phoenicia, NY, in a Port-O-Potty
Mars sees the huge nasty pee and poo stew below.

M: Why doesn't somebody flush it?
J: You can't flush it. It just stays there.
M: Will my poop be there forever?

A GOOD iDEA

9.23.11

(Mars tells J a secret. we are going to Phoenicia NY for vacation, in the mountains.)

M: (Whispering) Can we find a store that sells Sasquatch suits?
J: What would we do with Sasquatch suits?
M: Scare humans!

Multitasking

June 20, 2011
Mars: I can chew and swallow when I'm pottying.

Vacation

June 17, 2011
Mars: I don't want to go to the mountains [on vacation].
Amy: Why?
Mars: I'm scared of sasquatch!

Bones

June 17, 2011
Mars: When I was in your tummy, I didn't like your bones.

Pooping

June 9, 2011
Mars is on the potty pooping
J: Are you almost done?
Mars: I have two done. I have one more coming. It's like winning tickets.

Green Eggs and Ham

June 22, 2011
Luna is in the bathroom.
Mars: Do you like green eggs and ham in the bathroom?

What Luna does best

June 21, 2011
Mars: Luna makes the best diarrhea!

Safety

June 20, 2011
Mars: If you put poop in your eye, it is dangerous.

Concern......

June 18, 2011
Mars at the car.
Mars: I'm not opening that. It's too freaky.

HIDEOUT!

June 17, 2011
Mars: When we were both in mama's tummy, that was fun. It was our hideout.

DIRE NEEDS

6.25.11

(AT A CANDY STORE. WE WON'T BUY HIM SOMETHING)

Me really want this candy. Do you want me to die?

JUST CHECKING

6.30.11

(ON MV)

AMY: Mars, what are you doing?

MARS: Nothing dangerous. Just checking to see if there is anything rotten in the refigerator.

A GOOD QUESTION

6.11.11

(Mars has a runny nose. J can't find tissues, brings a wad of toilet paper)

Why you bring me toilet paper? That's for butts!

GOVERNOR'S ISLAND

6.12.11

I totally have to pee!

IKEA

6.5.11

LUNA: I hate IKEA.
MARS: Nobody hates IKEA.

SOUP

6.5.11
Looks in potty after making diarama

Oh my God! Poop soup! Look! Tuna and spinach!

DREAMS

5.19.11
Mama, I want to ride a donkey.
And a backhoe.

PUTTING 2 AND 2 TOGETHER

5.15.11

MARS (TO A LADY): What's under there?
LADY: under where? My shirt?
MARS: Yes.
LADY: These are my boobs and my belly. What did you think was under there?
MARS: Two babies. Two.

ANNOUNCEMENT

5.11.11
(mars walks into ann's apt)

MARS: I've been farting all day!

YIKES

5.8.11

AMY: Mars, do you know what a dingleberry is?

MARS: I don't like those. Too spicy.

WHY?

4.7.11

mars is staring at nainia's eyebrows.
"how come your eyebrows are not like bushes?"

DEDUCTIVE THINKING

4.10.11
AFTER WORKING ON IT FOR A WHILE, MARS MAKES A TINY POOP.
mars: why is my poop so small? is it because i ate munchkins?

SUPERMAN IS HUMAN

4.11.11

Superman poops and pees and drinks water too!

PLEASE

4.5.11
MARS: Luna! Slow down! I'm holding a cookie!
LUNA: Oh!

BUFFALO BUTTS

2.26.11

MARS: Does anything come out of his butt, like Cheez-its?

J: Who, a buffalo?

MARS: Yeah.


MARS: Does a Cheez-it?

LUNA: No. Poop does!

WAY BACK WHEN

2.21.11

When I was a baby I didn't have any necks.

OUT OF STATE

2.18.11
DRIVING TO THE BERKSHIRES

J: We're almost to Massachusetts
MARS: Where's Mr. Two Shits?

LIFE LESSONS

2.11.11

MARS: Baba, can you teach me to fly?
J: Sorry, Mars, I can't. I don't know how to fly.
MARS: Then when I'm big enough can you teach me to drive a digger?

HOT CHOCOLATE TALKS

1.1.11

Luna and Mars are at the table and have just been served hot chocolate.

Mars: I'm not even tall enough to reach my hot chocolate!

J proceeds to get him a booster.

UNDERPANTS

1.1.11

(IN THE CAR)

MARS: Am I wearing underpants?

AMY: Yes.

MARS: Then why is my penis floating around?

PATIENCE

12.30.10

(ON VACATION IN DC)

MARS: Look at my tiny penis! Baba can I see your big penis?

J: Well, I'm cooking breakfast right now...

MARS: OK, after breakfast can I see your big penis?