NEW OUTFIT

12.11.12

Mars: Can I have all black clothes for my birthday?  Black pants, black shirt, black tie.

J: Why do you need a black tie?

Mars: For dancing.  And a white shirt and sunglasses.

J: Why do you want all this stuff?

Mars: (As if it was obvious) Gangnam Style.

D is for.....

November 26, 2012

Amy:  Luna, I'm so sorry but Blue Star (Luna's fish) didn't make it.

Luna:  What do you mean?

Amy:  He died.

Mars:  D-D-D.  D is for dead.

A GIFT

11.26.12

Mars wants to get Mama a goat for Christmas.

"The three legged goat."

Why the three legged goat?

"The three legs are the exciting part."

MATH LANGUAGE

10.15.12

(Mars farts, burbs, then farts again.)

BABA: Mars.  Did you just fart, burp, and fart?

MARS:  Yes. (PAUSE)  It's a pattern!

a thought

10.13.12

Do Mimi and Tutu know eachother?

WARNING

9.16.12

(We're eating sushi outside at Matsua.  We're a 15 minute walk from my mom's bathroom.)

I have to poop!  (PAUSE) Everybody panic!

NO IDLE THREAT

9.2.12

(Baba is supposed to serve the fruit but he's reading emails.)

Baba, get me my fruit or I'll type you up in my silly blog.

PLANNING AHEAD

9.1.12

IN MICHAEL'S CRAFT STORE HOLDING UP TINY WOODEN COFFIN

When I die, I'm going in this coffin.

ANOTHER JOKE

8.25.12

Q: What has medium eyeballs and pees and poops all the time?

A: Mama.

JOKE

8.25.12

Q: What has big eyeballs and farts all the time?

A: Baba.

BAD WORDS

8.10.12

J is muttering to himself while looking for bike parts in a pile of crap in the foyer.

MARS: Baba--"fuck" is a bad word.

He thinks for a few seconds.

MARS: So is "stupid."

WORST EVER

8.9.12

MARS: (with soap in his eye) Baba you are the worst ever at giving baths!
J: Who is the best ever?
MARS: Mama. 

YARDSTICK

8.8.12

MARS: I took a shower with Baba!
LUNA: How big was his penis?
MARS: Um.  30 inches!
LUNA: That's almost a yard!

MANWICH!

6.18.12

Backstory: something about ear hair making J look like a "Man Witch" Which lead to the discussion of manwich sloppy joe sauce http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DezL-2tmQUE

Then later:

MARS: Baba, can Kid Men try manwich sauce?
J: You mean like, boys?
MARS: Yeah.
J: You want to know if manwich sauce is only for grownup men?
MARS: Right.
J: No, Kid Men can try manwich sauce too.

MORE BUDDHISM

6.2.12

MARS IS ACING WILD AT THE BUDDHIST TEMPLE.  AMY TELLS HIM TO SAY HELLO TO THE BUDDHA STATUE.  MARS RUNS UP TO THE BUDDHA STATUE AND SHOUTS:

Hi Buddha!

BUDDHISM

6.2.12

I thought I would hate the Buddha.  But I loved the Buddha!

BOOBS

May 16, 2012
Mars:  Why do you have boobs?
Amy:  I don't know.
Mars:  Is it so when you have two babies you can feed them?
Amy:  Yes.
Mars:  Does it hurt?
Amy:  In the beginning, then you get use to it.
Mars in a panic:  I don't want babies!
Amy:  Boys don't feed babies with their boobs. Just girls.
Mars:  Like Luna?  Why do I have boobs?
Amy:  I don't know.

SIMILARITIES

4.26.12

Mars: My fart sounded just like your sound effects machine!

SIZE AND SCALE

4.26.12

 Mars is looking at J's Boba fett keychain. Mars: Baba, if you had a jabba the hut keychain, it would be sooooo big!

ENDANGERED

4.25.12

Luna: I'm giving money to save right whales. Mars: I want to save hedgehogs! J: I don't think hedgehogs need saving. Amy looks it up on google. Amy: Some hedgehogs are one of the top 10 endangered species in England! Mars: Yay!

YO DAWG!

4.24.12

(WATCHING JUDY MOODY, THE PART WHERE THEY GO TO THE MOVIES IN THE MOVIE) Baba! Watch the video ON the video!

POOL!

4.20.12

 Look! It's a swimming pool for my poops! There's the ladder and there's the stairs.

WISDOM

4.20.12

I'm not that smart yet. My brain isn't that big. It's the size of my skull.

I HAVE TO....

March 28, 2012
Mars: I HAVE TO POOP IT POOP IT! I HAVE TO POOP IT POOP IT!

YES SIREEBOB

March 14, 2012 Mars: Yesbobsiree!

Coxsackie

March 14, 2012
Amy: Hey Mars, are there a bunch of kids sick at school?
Mars: I think 4 kids are sick. One has coxsackie.
Amy: How do you know?
Mars: I saw Mia poop in the bathroom, and she didn't wipe. She didn't flush. And she didn't wash her hands. Then she had an itchy but. Then she sucked her finger.

EVENTUALLY

2.13.12

Mars has a baby stacking toy in his hands.

BABA: Mars, do you think we should give that toy away to a baby?
MARS: Is it a baby toy? (He clearly doesn't want to give it away)
BABA: Kind of. But you can hang on to it.
MARS: We can give it to a baby when I die.

MORE SAFETY

Circa Jan 2012

Mars puts a safety cone in front of Gran's foot.

GRAN: Why did you put the cone in front of my foot?

MARS: So people will stay away because it's stinky.

HUGE

Circa Jan 2012

I just made a huge poop and I used the pusher downer to make it go down!

NEW TIME

2.11.12

When are gran and grandpa coming? They're half past late!

ONLY MARS

Feb 4, 2012
Mars runs to my bathroom and begins to pee. There is pee spraying everywhere.
Mars: There's a cut on my penis!
I bend down to look closely. I notice a very small sticker on the tip of his penis, closing it off so pee sprayed everywhere. At first glance, it looked like a pig's face.
Amy: Mars, it's sticker on your penis! Did you put a sticker on your penis?
Mars: NO! and begins to cry.
Amy: We have to get the sticker off! J! Help!
Mars is running away and crying. J grabs him. I proceed to get a wipe to remove the sticker. It was stuck on pretty well. I'm shaking from laughter while trying to remove this tiny sticker. Finally it comes off. It was a sticker that was on the inside of his new undies, that identified it had been inspected. One in a million chance a sticker from the undies manages to stick to the tip of his penis. I'm on the floor laughing so hard I'm crying.

Safety

February 1, 2012
Mars is dancing on the table with small safety cones all around him.
Amy: Mars! That's not safe!
Mars: That's why there are cones!

Look! No hands!

Jan 29, 2012
Mars is riding the mini carousel at Chuck-e-Cheese.
He goes around 1 time, passes me without holding the handles.
Mars: Look! No hands!
He goes around again, and passes me standing on the pegs.
Mars: Look! No butt!

Sorry!

Jan 28, 2012
Mars and Luna are playing rough and Mars hurts Luna.
Luna: Say you are sorry! Look at me and say why.
Mars: WHY!